Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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