he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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