found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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