i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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