I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
