Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
