you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
