I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize