grandma shit on top of the toilet
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
How's work?
Spinning.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
