She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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