people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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