my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
