My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
