I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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