I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
