Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
