The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
