I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
