Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
