Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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