she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize