I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just cut my nipple shaving
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize