we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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