Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Pooping to opera.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
