Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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