The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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