Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
