i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
