i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize