I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
