Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
