Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
false alarm. still invincible.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
