Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
