i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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