smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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