She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
