is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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