Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
