so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
