it hurts more in the daytime
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize