We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
