You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
