Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
