You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
