I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
