I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize