Pappa wants mamma naked
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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