I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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