i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize