I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
