Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
