If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
