Do you still have your period?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
