I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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