I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
