sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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