I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
