its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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