Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
either way he was missing a nipple.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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