So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
