just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
