Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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