we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
