We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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