hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
