would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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