Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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