Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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