you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point đź’ś
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
