I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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