i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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