I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
