i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
