Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
