just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
