i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
