Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
