he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
