I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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