I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
