I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
