you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
