you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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