I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
