why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
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