Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
