allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
