If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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