I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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