He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
ttyl tear gas
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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