i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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