How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
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