I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
