can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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