I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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