i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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