I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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