Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
