Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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