i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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