thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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