we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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