so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
