haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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