I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
